Jokes of the week for June 15

Pandemic joke:

Things I've learned in the past two months:

1. This coronavirus is a novel [new] virus
2. The mortality rate is around 3%
3. It's transmitted much like a flu
4. The elderly and persons with compromised immune systems are the most susceptible to complications
5. I love touching my face

Military joke:

The company commander and the sergeant were in the field. As they go to bed for the night, the first sergeant said:

"Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
 
The commander said: "I see millions of stars."
 
Sgt: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
 
Commander: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"
 
Sgt: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

Legal joke:

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him.

He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.

While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."

The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."

The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

Random Photo:

This cow is NOT social distancing!