Legal Definitions - B

A to Z Blogging Challenge.  My topic is LEGAL DEFINITIONS EXPLAINED IN PLAIN [AND HOPEFULLY HUMOROUS] ENGLISH.

Back date – The attempt by the tenant to pay the rent “on time” by tendering the rent late, but dating the check the first day of the month.  This also sometimes occurs when clients attempt to pay their legal bills "on time."  Neither of these is recommended.

Bailiff – The Sheriff/Marshal deputy who attempts, without brandishing his/her firearm, to maintain order in the courtroom, protect the judge, enforce the rules, diffuse arguments, answer inane questions, direct people to the nearest restroom, confiscate ringing cell phones, shush noisy children [and adults], and intercept live insects brought to prove habitability claims.

Bankruptcy – A title of the United States Code which allows folks who (1) fall on hard times, to discharge some or all of their debt [usually Chapter 7], (2) can't manage their finances, to restructure their debt [usually Chapter 13], or (3) want to stall their eviction to gain a few extra weeks in the property, although [much to their surprise] not usually rent-free [either Chapter].

Bench – The place where the judge sits when court is in session. Most judges are reasonably competent. Others give new meaning to the baseball term “warming the bench.” As a general rule, there is no talking, laughing, eating, drinking, smoking, reading, texting, sleeping, singing, spitting, screaming, or discharging of firearms allowed while the judge is on the bench. Coughing, sneezing, crying, and sometimes breathing are heavily regulated in some courtrooms.

Breach – Failing to live up to a term of the rental agreement. For landlords, this can include not maintaining the property in a habitable condition, disconnecting utilities, trespassing, and otherwise being a slumlord. For tenants, this can include not paying rent, allowing unauthorized occupants or pets to reside in the property, damaging the property, maintaining a meth lab or pot farm, and setting bonfires in the kitchen.  Breaches are not necessarily a bad thing, because they are why we have lawyers, and lawyers need to fund their yachts and summer vacations, or at least put food on their tables.

Legal Definitions - A

Today is the start of the A to Z Blogging Challenge.  My topic is LEGAL DEFINITIONS EXPLAINED IN PLAIN [AND HOPEFULLY HUMOROUS] ENGLISH.  Because most of my practice is landlord/tenant law, that's where most of the definitions come from.  As always, nothing here is intended as legal advice.

I hope you enjoy!

Abandon – When a tenant moves out [or is evicted] and leaves behind personal property, the landlord is generally required to store the personal property for several days, to allow the tenant time to retrieve it. After that time expires, it is deemed “abandoned property.” Some examples from my own practice – old car and lawnmower abandoned at the bottom of the swimming pool, fish tank in garage abandoned with [at-the-time] living fish inside, broken couches and kitchen appliances too numerous to count. Some of my clients have had to spend thousands of dollars for trash-out companies to remove all the abandoned property some tenants leave behind.

Agreement – A property owner agrees to rent a habitable dwelling or commercial space to a tenant, who agrees to pay rent and treat the property like a reasonable human being would treat his own home or business [because it is his home or business]. It is not uncommon for either side to fail to live up to their bargain, which is why we have lawyers. Can be oral or written, but remember the most important legal adage - if it's not in writing, it doesn't exist.

Ambiguity – A phrase in an agreement which can be interpreted to have more than one meaning. This is also why we have lawyers, because sometimes it takes a good lawyer to come up with a reasonable-sounding ambiguity that benefits your side of the argument.

Answer – The Defendant/tenant's response to the Plaintiff/landlord's eviction Complaint. Ninety-nine percent of all Answers state the landlord is a slumlord. Not all of those Answers are false.

Apartment – Individual dwelling units located within a larger structure. Generally, the entire structure is owned by the landlord, the individual dwelling units are rented by tenants, and the cost for the upkeep of the common areas is included in the rent. If each dwelling unit is owned individually, with upkeep of the common areas charged as “HOA dues”, that is generally called a condominium complex, not an apartment building, because people who buy their dwelling units generally don't want to be mistaken for low-life tenants. When tenants rent a condominium from an individual owner, things get even more confusing.

Appeal – A pleading filed by the losing party which states the judge was all wrong. Not all appeals are pointless, because not all judges know what they're doing.

Attorney – Also known as lawyer. Depending on the outcome of the case, the attorney is either the answer to the person's prayers, or the cause of the person's ruined life. No consideration is generally given by the client to the premise that the actual facts of the case might have been the cause of the result. Sometimes, the actual facts of the case really did have nothing whatsoever to do with the result. That's why we have lawyers.

Lawyers and judges behaving badly

No "behaving badly" series can be complete without lawyers and judges behaving badly.

1.  Texas lawyer - "Exclusively for white people"

2.  Pennsylvania lawyer - "Charging your client for your bad behavior"

3.  Georgia lawyer - "Jail is better than attending a deposition"

4.  Attorneys and judges behaving badly from Wall Street Journal

5.  Two CA judges censured for having sex with staff in chambers

6.  Judges behaving badly from Above the Law

7.  Congress investigates judges behaving badly 2015

8.  Lawyer stalks opponent's trial witness back to witness's office and threatens him for testifying.

9.  Lawyer disbarred for advising his post-foreclosure clients to break back into their homes after Sheriff lockout.

10.  Judge takes emergency retirement the next day after partying in a bar with counsel who regularly appear before her.

11.  Judge publicly admonished for using his courtroom clerk and bailiff to perform property-management duties for his investment properties.  [And for a while, he was assigned, of all things, to the eviction calendar!]

12.  Small claims judge too concerned about being late for her lunch date waiting for her in her courtroom, than the trial proceeding in front of her.

[For the month of April, I will be participating in A to Z Blogging Challenge.  My topic will be legal definitions explained in plain (and hopefully humorous) English.  Hope you enjoy!]

Tenants behaving badly

As a follow-on to last week's post, this week is dedicated to tenants behaving badly.

1.  We all know the movie Pacific Heights

2.  UK tenants behaving badly

3.  From Money Smarts Blog

4.  Airbnb horror stories

5.  Too-numerous-to-count tenants who grow marijuana and run meth labs from their rental properties.

6.  Tenant who ran garden hose inside and soaked the hardwood floors.

7.  Tenant who placed a cardboard box full of shredded newspaper on top of his electric stove and turned on the burner just before he moved out.  The resulting fire destroyed the apartment and damaged the two adjoining units.

8.  Homeowner lost his house to foreclosure.  He smeared yoghurt onto all the interior walls and ceilings in the heat of summer.  When the bank took over the property about a month later, the real estate agent found so much mold in the home that it had to be demolished.

9.  Disgusting, murky swimming pool which, when drained after the tenant moved out, revealed an old car, a lawn mower, and several dead dogs.

Here are some sites with advice on dealing with tenants from hell:

Tips for managing terrible tenants

How to keep from having nightmare tenants

If anyone has their own "bad tenant" story, please post in comments.

Landlords behaving badly

This week's edition of the blog focuses on bad landlords.  Sure, I've represented bad landlords, including slumlords.  Not all attorneys have the luxury of picking and choosing their clients, and many times I don't know they're slumlords until I get to trial.

But they are my clients, so I do my best for them.

I always try to settle my cases, and most tenants of a bad landlord or slumlord want to move out to get away from the horrible living conditions.  So usually this works out in everyone's favor.  Here are some examples of landlords behaving badly.  Some of these activities are legal and some aren't.  Of course NONE of these examples are from MY client base....

1.  New York landlords behaving badly

2.  San Francisco landlord behaving badly

3.  UK landlords behaving badly

4.  Landlord won't fix roof, which leaks like a sieve, because the tenant hasn't paid rent.

5.  Landlord shuts off utilities for 24 hours and blames it on "a bad breaker box".

6.  Landlord installs friend/relative in the neighboring apartment who plays LOUD music at all hours of the day and night, to annoy a specific tenant and cause him to move out.

7.  Landlord has tenant's car towed because said car is parked one inch over the parking spot's limit line.

If anyone has their own "bad landlord" story, please post in comments.

[Next week, tenants behaving badly.]

Happy New Year 2015

It's the time of year to make New Year resolutions.  My list is short, because I want to preserve the possibility I can actually accomplish them.

1.  Query my first book, Not a Mother -- I hope to accomplish this goal by February or March.

2.  Seems like a must-have on all resolution lists -- lose weight.  I want to get back to my weight in 2012 when I got laid off.  I'm a stress eater and I ate a lot and gained back a lot of the weight I'd lost in 2011.

What about you?  Did you make any resolutions?  Or are you playing it safe and not making any this year?  And how often do you actually accomplish them?

Merry Christmas!

I'm wishing all my blog readers a very Merry Christmas!

I support our troops, for many reasons, not the least of which is my oldest son serves in the Navy.

This season, I want to remind my readers that NORAD tracks Santa on Christmas Eve.  If you'd like to join the fun, go here -

NORAD Santa

Happy tracking and Merry Christmas.