Jokes of the week for September 28

Pandemic joke:

Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

Military joke:

What’s the purpose of the propeller?
To keep the pilot cool. Doubt it? Stop the propeller and watch the pilot sweat.

Legal joke:

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
 
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

Random Photo:

Autumn is here!

Jokes of the week for September 21

Pandemic joke:

I need to practice social distancing from ... the refrigerator.

Military joke:

An F-16 comes careening down the runway. It’s anything but smooth — fishtailing and leaving a line of burnt rubber and sparks behind it.

Tower: “Need any assistance, Airman?”
 
Pilot: “I don’t know, Tower, we’re not done crashing yet!”

Legal joke:

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner.He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher:
 
"How much for Engineer brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
 
"How much for doctor brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
 
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
 
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
 
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

Random Photo:

Tomorrow is the first day of autumn!

Jokes of the week for September 14

Pandemic joke:

I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on “Wheel of Fortune.” Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

Military joke:

How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is half over?
He says, “Enough about me. Want to hear about my plane?”

Legal joke:

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!".
The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

Random Photo:

Iceland in summer

This is the last week of summer.  As a resident of SoCal living with smoky skies, summer can't end soon enough!

Jokes of the week for September 7

Pandemic joke:

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

Military joke:

Air Force Fact - The only time you can have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

Legal joke:

If you laid all of the lawyers in the world, end to end, on the equator ---- It would be a good idea to just leave them there.

Random Photo:

Summer scenery, Victoria Australia